Kinky Undies Stockpile!

Yesterday I decided it was time to go shopping.

Blow a little steam, blow a little cash...plus it's time for the flip-flop season, and I was on a quest for my signature flip-flops for this summer.

However, before hitting the payless I got sucked into the clothing store next door. Three for three underwear sale...shit yeah I say! It's time to stock up on kinky undies.

Item One: Panties--cherries on the front that say "tasty"

Item Two: Panties--Butterfly on the front, not the selling point tho. The selling point is the tie strings on the side, for easy removal, with teeth...if he lost his arms in a combine incident let's say, (I think I need more equal opportunity underwear)--MAN I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED THOSE STRING TIE UP ONES!!

Item Three and Four: Panties--funky shiney ones that I have dubbed the hypno panties. I figure I can gyrate my crotch and lull him into a trance...or perhaps a seziure, that might be fun too...I'll put him in a helmet first--Don't worry!!

Item Five: A black lacy teddy thingy. I have never bought one of these before. It actually amps up the clevage, I am impressed. But it's a wee bit see through which makes me nervous. Gauze ass...yikes!

And while I bought all these things to boost my self-esteem I have a feeling when I try them all on I will burst in to tears and sink into a deep depression. (I guess the fashion show will have to wait until I have a magnum of merlot by my side). But let us do the math. Six new pairs of cute kinky undies...that's just jinxed me out of six months of sex. A teddy--six more months. I have just assured myself no sex this year. That plus the condoms I bought...I'll be lucky if I have sex before I hit thirty.

This calls for me to dig a hole in the back yard...cover it with porn, RAFFIA! (for the jungle look), breakfast sausages, and empty beer cans. Then once a man falls into my trap he becomes my new sex slave. I have blueprints.

I did eventually find my cute flip-flops. Perhaps someone will notice my cute toes and say, "Hey nice toes, wanna come to my place?"

And armed with the hypno-panties I will say--"Sure".