I used to love to make up analogies. I realize for the most part they sucked horribly, but I was still attempting to be deep. Somehow trying to find analogous situations for already basic situations made me feel deeper. For some reason - perhaps to explain the phenomenon to myself - I am looking for an analogy again.
Many a greeting card and poem has tried to capture what friendship is, who good friends are, and how we can strive to be better friends.
I have a very small circle of friends. I like it that way. It makes me feel safe. I think having had lots of friends wig out on me in the past has made me less inclined to the idea that I need many in order to be happy. Having someone tear you a new one because because they heard a rumor for so-and-so that you were trying to steal their boyfriend, and then have them spill all your past secrets on to the ground for any passing bird to peck at got old. It smacks of junior high - but I've seen adults do it too - all to often.
I think also the experience of "friends" pretending as if you don't exist has hardened me as well. "Friends" who say they miss you so much, yet can't seem to pick up the phone. "Friends" who are so worried about you they tell your family to say "hi" for them.
I have wisked all such people out of my life. Not for good - but just set them down for now. If they wanted to come back, my door is always open, and my former fondness for them never forgotten.
It's easy to weed out the drama-queens. It's easy to let the fair-weather friends fade from my daily thoughts. I have an intensive screening process to try to keep out the truly immature, the disturbed, the messy gossip hounds, and those who fear change, challenge, and growth. I have no place for people like that in my life.
The ones I am having the most fun weeding out at this point in time are the emotional vaccum cleaners; those who only take and have never really given. At least never given back as much as they've taken from me. I used to try so hard, and for so long to be helpful. To be the supportive friend. When support becomes aquiescence to all their stupidity, flights of fancy, and blind mistakes it's time to end things. I cannot agree with the life choices some people make.
Which leads me to my image of friendship for today. Friendship - two vessels filled at different levels with liquid. Pouring back and forth into each other, blending and creating something new. Always sharing, always pouring. Kepping the external vessel that is their unique being, but sharing the emotions, triumphs, failures, and memories of the liquid inside.
It's these sucking entities tho that when they become glutted must then be cut off. They keep asking for more of you - and you keep pouring and sharing. You know this is how friendship works, and that when you need it, they will gladly help you refill your own cup.
But that never happens. Soon your empty for all your other friends and have nothing left to give. Yet they keep asking for more. Impatient and spilling over they never offer to give anything back - but incesently ask for more. Just a little more. Do you borrow from your other friends? Or shoud you instead let them chip and eat away at your cup - who you are?
I like my small group of friends, and don't feel a need any longer to fill vacancies. I have chosen to keep my group small. They know me better than anyone, and will be honest with me. They often know better than myself what's best for me and have no problem telling me so. They know me inside and out because they have been with me inside. I never have much to give, but what I do have I will always share gladly with those who I trust and who will also share with me someday; content with who I am, what I've become - and just happy to share this crazy adventure of life with me.