Crazy Apple

Crazy apple is neither crazy nor an apple. Discuss.

Ok I lied, they are apples. Have you guys heard of these things yet? Or seen them? Is it just my weirdass grocery store that has them?  I tried to find a website, but couldn't.

Today I ate a "crazy apple". They are regular apples infused with "flavor". They come in three flavors apparently - Tropical, Grape Pomegranate, and...wait for it...bubble gum.

They were only 25 cents a piece, so we each got a couple for our lunches this week. Both of us giving Bubble Gum a pass because that ain't right. But they seemed kind of niffty. (Spoiler Alert - we were wrong.)

 I ate mine today. I had the grape/pom flavor. It didn't taste like either of those things. The first few bites tasted a little like jolly rancher green apple flavor. Which was just...wrong. I know I have had this conversation before that candy flavors don't taste anything like what their real life item actually tastes like. Blue Raspberry tastes like blue. Grape tastes like purple. You know what I mean.

It was a little unholy eating a real apple and having it taste like it's artificial representation. I kind of got a shiver down my spine and had Matrix moment. How do we know what steak tastes like? Maybe that's why everything tastes like chicken?

But for the rest of the apple, it went back to tasting like apple. In fact the deeper you ate, the more it tasted like plain old apple.

Here is Gabe's review: "If you try really hard, you can sort of taste something 'not appley' but not really."


But it still makes me kind of nervous. Why do we need to change the flavor of an apple? What seemed kind of niffty has gone totally wrong. Really - we can't just eat apples? It's taking multi-tasking to a new low. Is it an apple, a grape, or a fax machine? Up is down, down is up...I just want to eat a damn apple.

P.S. They probably don't have a website because they already figured out Crazy Apples make you grow crazy nipples on the bottom of your foot. Yeah. Because that happened.

I feel dirty now. Thanks agribuisness.