Yoga Fire

I started doing yoga. And by started, I mean just. Today was my first attempt. Don't worry - it's not for realz yoga in a class or anything. I know my limits, and tolerance for shame. Which is why I purchased DVD's. Not just any DVD's but "Yoga for Inflexible People". It's sad, but there are probably women in their 80's with osteoporosis who are more flexible than me, so I already know I'm not ready for real people yoga.

She could totally kick my ass.

But - I'm hoping to change that. As a kid I was in ballet and could do the "sugar bowl". Which was to lay on your stomach, prop your upper body up on your arms, arch your head back, and touch the back of your head with your feet. I used to do that shit for fun. Now I rock flip flops well into December because socks seem like too much work.

Clearly - something needs to change.

I'm on a small mission to better myself this year. Which involves the following:

• Read more. I set myself a goal to read 25 books this year. I've up'd that goal to 30, and am loving it! I'm through 16 books already - and remembering how much I love reading. I still whore out on TV from time to time, but I am remembering what it's like to be amp'd to get home and read. It's been a very good thing.
• Drink more water. I can't say I've totally nixed soda. I still drink it time to time, but I am trying to stick to at least five glasses of the clear stuff.
• Meditate. I was super stressed out earlier this year. I figured I'd give mediation a whirl. So far so good. I've been doing it, just 8-10 minutes every night before bed. I'm following 8 Minute Meditations. I feel like it's making me a calmer person 8 minutes at a time because that's all I can commit to right now, but I still don't think I do it "right". If anyone has any "tips", I'd be interested.

My other two goals haven't been implemented yet. I figure baby steps. Try to overhaul too much all at once and crash and burn -- it's generally my signature maneuver. "CHANGE ALL THE THINGS!" 

The last two on my list were:

• Start doing yoga every morning.
• Write more.

Hey look - two birds, one blog and all that.

So today was my first attempt at yoga. I've had the DVD's a few weeks, but wasn't ready to work up the gumption yet. Today just felt like the day. So I set my alarm a little earlier than normal for me, and it went off as they tend to do, and I almost said, "oh god - more sleep". But I didn't. 

I popped in my DVD and found on the menu "Relaxation" with a 10 minute routine. I figured that sounded like a good spot for my first attempt. It was three really simple poses. I liked it. Again, my goal with this is not to sweat myself skinny, nor pretzel myself, but to relax and just do something good for me. I'll probably never "sugar bowl" again, but not throwing my back out when I pick up a laundry basket would be cool too.

And because you've all been bored by what was a semi-serious blog for me, I give you what you've all become accustomed to when reading my blogs - a fart story.

It's yoga. You knew it had to happen...

So I am into my third pose of the grueling 10 minute routine I selected (that was sarcasm - I'm out of shape but not THAT bad yet). My legs are propped up, deep breath in, *BLAM*. Surprise ass clapper I didn't even know was lurking. The "instructor" on the dvd says "Now is the time to relax everything, just let it all out." 

"Done and done! I'm good at this yoga thing" - I say out loud to my dog, and then fall into a fit of giggles.

This is why I'm not allowed in for realz yoga classes.

Namaste bitches.