Going to Church

**Disclaimer - this is a long entry - but it is about one of my nerdy obsessions.
So if you read to the end, you might be eligible for a prize.**

I am not religious. Like, at all.


About the only thing I miss about being religious is the perceived community. I've been looking for a Sunday morning ritual replacement for a while, and so far "sleeping-in" has been the hands down favorite.

Today I found religion in the closet under my stairs. That's not a euphemism, but maybe a metaphor? I was going to have a sloth-pit session and start re-watching Game of Thrones. I figure if I start now it will time out right to when season 4 begins. What I was met with was a jumble of movies. I had a stack of Christmas gifts still not sorted into the herd, and a stack of "I'm cleaning, oh crap, just hide it in the closet" shame. I stood there for a good five minutes shifting my weight from one foot to the other. The devil and angel on my shoulder duking* it out for moral supremacy.

*Fun Fact - Spell check and a quick googling** confirms that duking is not a word.
**BONUS Fun Fact - neither is googling.


Devil: "Just watch Game of Thrones - you'd have three episodes done before you got through this mess:"
Angel: "It won't take that long."
Devil: (To Angel) Have you met her? It's an ordeal for this one.
Angel: (To Devil) She can handle it; she is very capable and excellent with alphabetizing skills.
Devil: Yeah - but you're going to have to tackle some organization questions you've been putting off.
Me: I know, I just don't want to face it.
Devil: But ya gotta. Your last system didn't work so hot did it?
Me: "No - I don't know what I was thinking."
Devil: "Just leave it. It's too much for you. Watch Game of Thrones."
Angel: "You love sorting."
Me: "Shit."

The Devil was right. I needed a new system. My last system was a joke. I sorted all the blu-ray in alphabetical order, and then began the DVD collection. The system made sense at first because I only had like one shelf of blu-ray, and way more DVD's, but in practice this was crap. Eventually the blu-ray spilled over into DVD territory, there was no clear  demilitarized format zone, and who could ever remember if you have Ghostbusters on blu-ray or DVD in the heat of a "oh god, I need to re-watch something with Rick Moranis" catastrophe.

But the Angel, also knew my need for sorting. It was a problem I'd put off too long, and today was the day it got sorted. I was in my zen. Sorting, stacking, alphabetizing. This is like meditation for me. It probably took an hour. There was probably an easier way to do it, but it is done now. I feel accomplished even. Which is just dumb, but I do. I spent an hour sorting something that only I care about, that lives in the closet under my stairs and no one else will see. I think this is a metaphor for religiousness.

To me this sounds like angels singing

Now I would like to have a frank discussion on how you guys organize your movie collection. I know I am not the only one who struggles with this. And by struggle, I mean, spends way too much time thinking about the "best" way to sort your movies. *cough* Joff *cough*.

As we learned, my original method of by format was a joke. I flew too close to the sun with that one, but let's talk nitty gritty. The problem zones in our collections. The real crisis of faith areas. I will list for you my problem areas and how I deal with them, but would love your feedback. No seriously...I want to know.

• Movies starting with numbers in their titles. (i.e. 300, 500 Days of Summer)
  I actually start my collection with number titles. When I worked at Media Play that's how we did it. It makes sense to me. Sidebar: Don't you guys miss those stores? Or am I the only loser that still wants to own movies in physical form. Perhaps do not answer that. While I am a confirmed Amazon Zealot, flipping through stacks of movies and figuring what I want to blow a large chunk of money on is something I miss. )

• Titles starting with "The" (i.e. The Fall, The Man from Snowy River)
  I don't sort by The. 

• Movie Series that don't all start with the same series name. (i.e. the Nolan Batman Trilogy; Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises)
  I lump them all together. When I am in the mood to watch one of these movies. I will go to B for Batman, forgetting that two of the titles do not reference the B-Word.

• Double Feature Disks. (i.e. Uncle Buck/The Great Outdoors)
  I will assert I am not that much of a cinephile  snob that I am above a bargain disk with two or more movies I love on it. But how do you sort these? Do you go by the movie title that is listed first, or by whichever title comes first in the alphabet? Or do they get a whole section of their own? I am trying by first title. For example, Uncle Buck/Great Outdoors is under U for Uncle Buck. I have another disk that is Atonement, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, and Elizabeth (in that title order -- what do  you do with that!?) Right now it's under A for Atonement. It also means I totally forgot I own Jane Eyre already. Hooray! Hidden movie find!)
• TV Series Box Sets
  I am trying something new. Box sets live in their own world now. TV series really. Because the Harry Potter box set lives with the rest of the movies. I thought about single entire TV series being able to live with the rest of the movies. For example, Deadwood is many seasons, but I have the complete series box set, so could it live with the rest of the D movies? I instead opted that all TV series live together. I am nervous that this will end as badly as my format sort faux-pas. Also if there is a movie of a TV series, it lives with movies. For example the The Simpsons Movie is with movies, not the series box sets. I know, it's risky - but I'm trying it.

Confessional:

Now it's time for Confessions. To absolve me of my movie collection guilt and sins.

I came to my TV series hypothesis when I was already in the process of sorting. So when I got all done, I found Aquateen Hunger force living with the A movies. I cursed a little, but then left it, because my TV Series shelf was already maxed out, and with such a rookie mistake at the start of the alphabet, that meant a whole lot of shifting. I just couldn't face it today.

I have now filled my shelving unit. There is no more room. Every space is accounted for. I secretly fear finding another stash of movies, because there will be no place for them. I either have to get another shelf, or stop buying movies...

I only found one duplicate. Still in the shrink wrap! I can only imagine I was on Amazon one day, and it said, "Only One Left" and I was like - HOLY SHIT I BETTER BUY THIS! So this is my prize give-away. If you read to the end and comment - you could be the owner of this DVD:

Shrink Wrap Goodness!

Speaking of shrink wrap. I have many movies still in shrink wrap. Too many really, I have shame about that, but I have a plan for them and my now lack of shelving.

You're correct. That is a copy of Swing Kids
and Chicken Run.

This is my stack of VHS shame. I do have a VCR. It's not attached to a TV where I could use it, but these sweet sweet nuggets of plastic and celluloid are still important to me. I don't know what to do with them. Some of them can't be replaced on disk: because they don't exist there. So I just stare at this stack of shame.

I need to make a list of the ones that can be bought on disk and slowly purge them.

 Final Meditations: 
 I really like my movies. Gabe does not understand me in this department. He doesn't like to re-watch movies. Truthfully, I would do it all the time, except he wouldn't join me. I did it all the time as a kid, and movies were like my comfortable friends. I think maybe because I was the only kid at home, it felt like I was hanging out with someone? At the same time, Gabe did this too - and it totally put him off re-watching anything. On this, we are at an impasse.

It's probably dumb, but I like what my movie collection says about me. It's probably weird to view a collection of other people's work/talent as being a statement about me, but I do. For example, I love that this section in the L's happens. Lewis Black, Little Mermaid, Lock Stock, and Lonesome Dove.

Yup - Lewis Black goes under L, it's my method and I'll stand by it,
because the title is, "Lewis Black - Unleashed"

In looking at my movies, I don't have a lot of shame about the titles I own. I maybe should, but don't. I do have one stinker in there that as I put it back on the shelf, I thought - "why?!" You might think it was the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - but you are wrong. That movie is FANTASTIC. You might even guess Return to Me, but no - Minnie Driver is lovely - giant square head and all. It's actually Garden State. The only thing I can come up with is that is was one of those blockbuster cast-offs, and you always got a better deal if you bought more than one title. Like you could be a dope and buy 2 for 10, or you could get 3 for 12 - you're an idiot if you DON'T buy another one. I can only imagine that was my logic.

So my plan for dealing with my shrink wrapped movies. I'm not allowed to buy any more movies until I watch of these. I might even start a series of blogs called Shrink Wrap Saturdays or something, because I do love these movies, so why am I not watching them?

So that's it really. My little religious moment in my movie collection. Why get therapy when you can blog about it?