It was fun. I never win, but I love to people watch - and I LOVE TO DAUB! It's so fun! I've decided it would probably be cheaper if I just stayed at home and daubed paper, but the people watching isn't as good. It's sort of zen.
Gabe won. $99! It was exciting, and he bought us all the next round in the 9 pm game.
I was lamenting to myself that I never win at bingo, but I realized I feel like I'm winning every time I get to stamp a number. Like - oooh, B9 - I have that one...in THREE PLACES!! I am AWESOME AT BINGO! The only time I am not having fun is if a number is called I don't have. I think I don't win because I get distracted by just "winning" at being able to stamp numbers, and I forget to pay attention to if I have all four corners covered...d'oh.
In other news, I have been subscribed to an e-mail newsletter about Body Positive Rebellion this week. It's from this woman, Amber Karnes, who has this amazing website you should check out: https://bodypositiveyoga.com. She has been super inspirational to me lately, and especially this week and really kickstarted my desire for regular yoga in my life.
I needed her message.
Forget waiting to lose weight before doing what you want. You want to do yoga...do yoga. This week I've been reading her e-mails and thoughts for the day and thinking of myself as a physical person - doing physical things. I don't think of myself like that. I like to sit. Sit and watch people at bingo, sit and play video games, Netflix and sit, sit and blog, sit and paint, sit and read, pooping, etc. etc.
This week I just started thinking about the physical things I used to like to do. Cross-country skiing, sledding, skating, riding a bike, swimming, playing tennis, weightlifting, volleyball, dancing...these are things I haven't done in probably 20+ years. I'll be honest. I think I am too fat to do some of these things, but - I am at least thinking about moving my body and not totally overwhelmed and stressed out by the idea of movement. My mind has played tricks on me and told me for years that's not who I am. I'm not a jock. I'm a nerd. So I just quit thinking about movement. Thinking about moving my body more because of a desire to have a more consistent yoga practice in 2018, has got me thinking about what other kinds of moving I might want to try again. I'm not ready for all of it right now, but it's refreshing to even entertain the possibilities; to think of myself as someone who moves, that's new. That's probably really sad or strange for some of you to read, but this is where I am at.
So today I went to a webinar at the conclusion to this week of Radical Self-Acceptance and yoga e-mails, and at the end, Amber was giving away some prizes. A couple of books, a t-shirt, and a year membership to her website. I was in! I was so pumped after this week I was ready to sign-up and try this yoga thing hardcore. 2018 - the year of yoga - and this is how I was going to do it!
She gave away one book, and I was like, "oh I want to win that!" - I didn't, but I put it on my GoodReads list.
She gave away another couple of books "ooh man, I really want those." - I already had them in my Amazon shopping cart - but I didn't win.
She gave away a really pretty t-shirt - didn't win that.
A year-long membership to her website. Oh man, that would be amazing...but bingo has taught me, I don't win things. And that's ok, I am signing up for a year anyway - because I can win at yoga...
But you guys! Then I won!! I got this amazing gift/prize of a year-long membership.
I think the universe agrees. I need to do yoga in 2018.
So today I did some yoga. I downloaded one of her videos (it was a chair routine - I do love to sit Y'all) to my kindle and lit a candle and did some yoga.
It felt good. I was stronger than I thought at some things, some other stuff - pretty shaky and challenged by, but I was doing it!
Then we got to my favorite part of yoga. The sitting! At the end you get to just sit - or lay - and meditate. It's the best part of yoga, reflecting on how that movement felt - how your body feels different now.
So I was sitting there, and trying to be present. To notice my body and the sensations in it. Meditation is hard. I've done some small mindfulness exercises before. My favorite visualization is to think of bubbles, and when a thought comes in that's not really important or distracting me from just being in the present moment you picture it in a bubble floating away.
I am sitting there. Breathing. Feeling my body. Feeling the sesnsations. Thinking about lunch tomorrow. I need to make egg salad...
Me: No brain - we're not thinking about that now.
Brain: right...bubble it...breathing...feet on the floor...breathing...
Me: Ha! The dog just sighed really loud. He's relaxed too.
Brain: Bubble it!
Me: Right! So relaxed. Breathing.
Brain: I am grateful.
Me: Me too brain! 2018 is going to be a good year. Even if something goes wrong, this practice is going to help me deal with stressful things...I am really glad...Hey, do you hear typing in the other room? That's my husband.
Brain: Bubble it!
Me: Right! But I am grateful for him. This is nice. Just relaxing...
**THUNDEROUS FART FROM THE OFFICE**
Brain: Keep it together...
Me: I can't...I was just thinking how I was grateful for him, and he ripped ass...talk about putting the Ass in Asana!
Peels of giggles overtake me.
I am noticing the sensations of my belly and boobs jiggling as this laughter bubbles through my body. I fight the smile on my face but I can't...I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks as I try to laugh quietly and regain my composure.
Gabe: HEY! GIRL ONE! (his nickname for me)
Me: *fighting the giggles still*
Gabe: HEY!
Me: I am doing yoga, can I talk in five minutes? *lose it, start giggling out loud again*
Gabe: Are you ok?
Me: *I realize I sound like I am crying, but really I am laughing* Yup...just five minutes...*wheeze*
Gabe: Ok.
I won at yoga, you guys!
I'm not perfect at it, but I am going to keep doing it because it feels good.
Bingo!
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