I'm Handicapable?

Yesterday at work it was my job to put together a storage unit for display. While filled with mistrust for my skills with sorting screws and which end of a hammer to use, I figured--what the hell, at least I don't have to sell people memberships to magazines they don't need.

Sorting screws was the easy part. Reading the schematic directions wasn't so bad either. I had visions of the ASVAB test floating in my head. And while it may shock you dear readers to know, my second highest score was in mechanics. Who knew?

As things progressed and I saw my storage unit take shape, I was filled with glee! Insert screw K into board 8. I was the phillips queen! I was picturing heading to Home Depot to talk shop with hot plumbers. I thought I might head to the local coffee shop to impart my wisdom of brackets to the local handymen before they went to the job site. I was going to build my own grandfather clock from designs of my own making.

Then I pounded a nail through the back of the particle board and missed the base I was trying to nail it too. Oopies! Hey--even Jesus probably screwed up around Dad's shop right? I mean nobody's perfect! Except, maybe...Jesus. No worries however; I left it, figuring a) no one could see it in the very dark corner against the black finish, b) pulling it out would make it worse c) no customers are allowed to buy the display model anyway d) it will be clearanced out in two years in which time, I won't be working there anymore, and hey if you are too cheap to buy it at regular price you get shoddy craftsmanship my friend.

So a few screws went in crooked. No one will be looking INSIDE all that much. And yeah, so when I put the door on a gouged a large scar across the bottom. It's also INSIDE and black magic marker does wonders. Plus there is that whole darkness factor. You'd have to be looking at it from at least two feet away before you'd notice.

Two hours later, my master work was complete.

I went to shut the doors only to find they would not shut. A quarter of an inch apart they met. And despite my pushing just a bit to make it go, a quarter of an inch is I guess a big deal in the carpentry world. Pff!

At this point our store was closing. I wheeled it to the floor and thought -- I'll just display it open for now...but not too open otherwise the light will shine in on the gouge and you'll see the nail poking through the back and the crooked screws. So I left the doors paritally ajar only to have one topple out on to the floor as it swung open, bending one of the Korean plastic brackets.

At this point my forearm was sore, I was cranky, I had foregone my break because I was so ENJOYING my little project, and my feet were sore. So I bent the bracket back into place and propped the door against the cabinet. I then left a note for my manager to perhaps clearance these out since they were obviously crap.