Shopping Lists

Today there are many things I must accomplish.

I must buy granny panties. Because while I have a kinky underwear stockpile that could choke even a French whore, I need granny panties so I can walk in a straight line for more than five paces with out having to fight to keep some lace out of my crack and still covering my naughty bits.

Nice white ones I think...that I can yank up to my armpits!

I also need to get my hair cut. Nasty little split ends have appeared, and I just think it's time for a trim.

There is this hair place in Uptown called the Chop n' Blow. HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE THAT NAME?! I swore my next haircut would be from them, but I dunno--it's quite a drive...perhaps next time. I may just move to Uptown so I can say the hair salon I frequent is the Chop n' Blow.

And I have decided. It is sandal season, and while I have been giving myself pedicures the past few weeks, I feel like someone else should do it. So I think I may go get one of those today too.

Also I need to hit a sex shop.

I broke my toy.

Ok...I didn't BREAK it, but it is not working as it should.

I think there is a loose wire somewhere. Every once and a while it slows down, then just stops when I am only mid-way done. Then out of nowhere it will buzz back to life scaring the beejeepers out of me. Other times, I have to hold it at a certain angle to get it to keep going and working just right for the both of us...and then I get a tremendous hand cramp.

It really is like having sex with an old guy...or a 19 year old.
AND I JUST DON'T NEED THAT!
That's why I have toys damnit! To do what no normal human can sustain for 15 minutes!