Well my friends, to keep you all from asking me again and again. I shall tell you. It is not violent video games. It is not our sex obsessed culture. It is not our love of snack foods, nor MTV, nor mercury laced water mixed with lead based paint chips. People - we need to look at ourselves. It is our fault our children are the way they are, because we named them.
That's right. The direct cause of all teen suffering angst, and wild misbehaving children is all tied directly to what idiot parents are naming their children. Why should I behave or strive for better things in life with a name like Snickerdoodle McTavish?
I am not talking about the recent bevy of ethnic names. No - it would be far too easy to pick on those. I am more annoyed with the lack of creativity in names. Why must every child's name of late be pulled from some Sweet Valley High Book and or Soap Opera? Ashley, Dakota, Taylor, Ashton.
As if these Abercrombie and Fitch inspired names aren't bad enough we have parents who cannot spell. Either parents are trying to be cute and unique, or they're just plain retarded. My gut tells me - retarded. In my job I come across some real winners. Here is a short list from the creative spelling genre:
Aarin, Ashleigh, Nickkole, Myranda, Saleina, Tabetha, Dasarae, Cortni, Tawnya, Destinee, Typhany.
I admit I am a creative person - but even I couldn't come up with these winners. I have yet to come upon a Brittknee, Kaytie, Alixandr, or Robirt - but it's only a matter of time.
From the fun with food genre I give you: Margarita. Pancake, Taco, and Beandip cannot be but one evolution of naming generation away.
Finally from the Fusion category I give you two names fused together to make all sorts of weirdness:
Mackson, Debbian, Rachelle
I don't even know how to make fun of that more than it already is...mayhap Samathabeth, Rocsalt, or Asshat?
3 comments:
Soooo true. My reigning favorites: Blanket (a la Michael Jackson spawn,) and of course, nods to "Apple," progeny of Gwyneth. Celeb kids have the worst name. Still, it's better than High School Cheerleader names like... oh, Stacey.
But Stacey's Mom has Got It Goin On I hear... *giggles*
Kudos to your mom for avoiding her urge to spell it Staycee.
Yeah, that's only 'cause my cousin spells it Stayce. Seriously. My family tends to recycle names. Most of the time they don't even wait for another generation.
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