The Minnesota Renaissance Festival has grown up like a giant nerd infected zit on the landscape of southern Minnesota. And I can't stay away. I said I wasn't going to go this year. At work we got media comp tickets - and I was off to the chase!
I do not dress for said events. Not that I wouldn't - it's just a REALLY expensive hobby to have use of once a year. Plus the inner nerd crafter in me looks upon the wares with disdain saying - I could make that, on my own - and better, for less, just the way I wanted...hmm, how would I want it...probably black - with maybe some brocade tassles, and I could use velvet embelishments on the sleeves, I bet they have coins at the craft store - GOD IF ONLY I HAD A BEDAZZLER!!
Nerd fever takes hold of us so quickly.
The Ren Fest is bizzare to me. It's a strange land. Nerd love blossoms, nerd duels of "who knows more about Wicca" between an old hippy and a weird goth kid could erupt at any moment, and here are the "normals" paid to come watch it - wearing chinos and polo shirts. It's like a nerd high school - where the nerds are in charge and the cool kids are too gobbsmacked to look away.
I always forget that the people watching at these events is BAR NONE - the best ever. You can't get this stuff at your local mall.
There are all sorts of people.
The dirty hippy types. They have tie dyed peasant pants and teach kids how to fly kites. Their dreads are not exactly period, and yet they seem at home and in their element.
The craftsmen/women. The only time of the year when your parents can be proud that your love of leatherworking and your Masters in 17th century folk life comes in to use.
The players/cast. Drama nerds and speech kids allowed to dust off their crappy English accent, and yell at you with it ALL DAY! I relate to these people. It's like a never ending play - and you get to have people look at you ALL DAY wondering, why you are yelling at them in a crappy English accent while wearing something that looks like you skinned your couch for the fabric. Tho I must say - some of them are a hoot. Two mentions of people I want to be my friend.
1. The Pickle Guy. He was hillarious. The Boy and I took a rest to watch some people and just happened to be across the way from his pickle cart.
Top favorite pickle related moments.
- giving out free samples by tossing pickle sections on the ground. Playing "Pickle Ball" with some people by smashing a pickle out of the park and spraying it all over the surrounding crowd, running the bases and screaming "TOUCH EM ALL PICKLE BOY!" (Twins Trivia).
Top pickle related phrases -
"Slip me a bill - I'll slip you the dill!"
"I give good pickle - ALL DAY!"
"I'm workin the gerkin"
"Hurry now - only 5,000 pickles left!"
"I give good pickle...even by myself...hey! It's natural - just a part of growing up - you get curious."
2. The violin playing begger. He obviously could not play the violin and just walked around shoving his tip cup in front passersby and winking at them. It worked too! Then he kicked it too hard sending his change flying to which he screamed out "I HAVE BROUGHT SHAME TO MY HOUSE...my entire house...ESPECIALLY THE PORCH!"
Witty - nerd boys...it makes me melt it does.
Costume levels -
There are the full-on costumed people. They have bloomers, corsets, and wool socks. Detail and historical accuracy are EVERYTHING to them.
Then there are the "I'm trying to dress up - but got confused at the shoes" types. They look pretty good but there is always one element off - like a bar maid with flashy silk skirt and flip-flops. A kid wearing a cape over his jeans and silk shirt - carrying a sword.
Then there are the "I'm a Fairy!" girls. I'm pretty sure - tho I could be wrong - that Lord of the Rings is not really an actual account of the history of earth. You are not a fairy - please take those plastic ear tips off. That goes for you too wizard man in a giant pointy cap.
Then there are the weird goth kids. Pale faces and bondage gear. I saw one Morticia Adams knock off walking around with her Katana with her boyfriend...attached to her by chain leash and collar combo, he was wearing a t-shirt that proclaimed, "ANIME FREAK". Neither of them probably old enough to be able to drive themseleves to the fair.
Then there is a weird phenomenon of biker cross over. There are lots of hot biker mamas walking the fair. Usually in some Xena inspired costume. Working those boobies clad in leather. Their big butch boyfirends in Harley shirts are with them. There was one biker mama who was trying to fit with the theme of "Highland fling" She was wearing a catholoic school girl plad mini skirt - and some go-go boots. I will say this - she had an amazing body - but a face of a granny - put down the camel lights honey - PLEASE! I'm not sure how this merging of nerds and bikers happens. What bikers share in common with nerds with an interest in medievel weaponry is strange to me. Do they just smell all the leather goods in the air - and are drawn like flies?
My favorite moment of irony brought to me by the biker mama crowd was when two of them, in decent peaseant attire, yelled out to their male friend (wearing his Harley Tee) that "That's just not period accurate, m'lord." I fought my urge to scream - "NEITHER IS YOUR TEASED OUT PERM AND MALL BANGS FROM 1984!" I nearly bit my lip so hard there was blood on holding in that one.
I also saw Harry Potter.
I think next year I will cave and dress up. I'm going to go as Jordie LaForge, and The Boy is going as Princess Leia
It was a fun day. There were lots of boobs for The Boy to look at - I actually saw some areola and we were only nanometers from nipple. One heavy pant would have given us nipple, and one jumping jack would have dislodged the whole boob. Codpieces scare me, but men in kilts get me drooling. Thus - why I attended Highland Fest weekend. KILTS! KILTS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!
Plus I got to see my family's Tartan - and might have to oder a yard or two to make a scarf for my Dad.
Nerds - they are my people. Plus it always feels good to find people who are bigger nerds than you. It give you hope that you blend in in society, and there is always I higher level of nerdom to achieve.
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