When Girls Buy Computers

I have taken a leap and brought myself into the new century by purchasing my very first - bought all by myself (ok and with the help of my good credit for 12 months no intrest financing) - computer!

WEEEEEEEEE!

I knew it was time to purchase a computer because first of all I was worried that I wouldn't even be able to accomodate Cable Internet, and also it did not escape my notice that there are now ipods that have more Gigs than my Fisher Price computer powered by a Light Bright and one gimpy hampster.

I know I am a girl. As such I know my priorities for computers are probably different from that of boys. I wanted a black one. Oh and one that had the gold fish screen saver I saw on the ones at Best Buy cuz they were like super cute! Other than that I really didn't know what I wanted or needed.

I enlisted the help of Meatmater M to the B. I actually learned about computers...a little. Not too much mind you, but a little.

The first round of shopping I let him ask the questions. Then I would confrence with him in the Floppy Disk aisle. He would break it down for me in smaller terms, and sometimes have to resort to Threes Company and Gilligans Island plot refrences in order for me to comprehend.

Meatmaster M to the B: "Well this one is cheaper - we'd have to add a blah blah, and gizmaram flap wang in order for it to get the celeron parseks optimized for your needs."

Me: "Oh." (blank stare)

Meatmaster M to the B: "Basically it's like having to dress up Maryanne so she runs like a Ginger."

Me: "Got it...how many coconuts do I need for that upgrade?"

However, by day two I was even able to grasp simple computer lingo concepts. Once abstract ideas and vauge notions of processor speeds were starting to become real to me. I was even able to ask my own questions now and had a pretty good idea of what I needed/wanted in my PC.

Basically I need something to log on to the internet with at home, something I can word process with on occasion, and also something that lets me play World of Warcraft and Sims2...the first and the last two far more important. My novel can wait - there is plunder to be had for the Horde, and simulated animated sex acts to witnessed.

My college trained brain - filled with vague notions of democratic socalism, too many occrances of the word "hegemony", and full up with feminist theory was able to kick in to action day two.

The techie boy who I would ask questions would start explaining them to me, but then drift his eyes over to the Meatmaster and finish up his explination talking to him. He talked down to me, and explained things to me I wasn't even asking about.

Then both the sales associates did the same thing. The one who was running my credit application was also looking at and explaining things to the Meatone. Hello! Tis my social security number you just collected. LOOK AT ME!

Even the lacky who loaded up the tower in my car - addressed Moist and Meaty instead of me. It was eye opening. I still think it's funny tho, when I would ask a halfway intelligent question their eyes glaze over and then they proceed to explain it to the other penis carrying member in my party. As if "Female talking shop - DOES NOT COMPUTE!" rolled in a scroll across their eyes.

I pointed it out to the Meatmaster. He noticed it too - and thought it was funny. To his credit anytime they started talking to him instead of me his eyes glanced at me as if to cue - "no no - talk to her" and he made some nervous sidesteps. Probably he was afraid my feminist theory might have exploded all over these poor pock ridden nerds like some kind of overcooked microwave pastry.

As we left I said, "Did you notice none of them talked to me, not really - they all tried talking to you - even though they knew the computer was for me."

"Yeah I noticed."

"They can't even talk to a nerd girl. This is why they'll never get laid."

At the end of the day I have my new PC. It's not the TOP of the line, but it's pretty damn close, and I am very happy with my purchase.

I get internet set up on Sunday afternoon and then watch out peeps - I'm gonna to be all up in here 24/7. Respect it yo!