My Kind of Love

My Kind of Love


Spring must be in the air. Everyone seems to be pairing off and coo-ing. Making little nests for themselves and getting to the business like nobody's business.

I would call myself a realistic romantic. The ideas of love effect me as they would anyone else. A young couple holding hands, an old couple still obviously enjoying the company of their mate are both scense that fill me with a sense of "aww".

I am not so spinsterly yet to not be moved by gestures of love, affection and coupleness.

What I do see a lot of lately is this talk of "He/She is the one". I see a lot of people falling in love so fast - in my book it cannot be love. I guess I have mabye set too stringent standards but to me love - real binding love that trumps all the hollywood "it happened one night like a bolt of lightening" crap takes time.

Lots of time. Lots of trust. Lots of shared bonds - lots of tears and frustration - but sticking it out anyway because that's what love is. At least for me that's what love is. I think that's why I have a hard time saying it. To me you can say "I love" till your blue in the face, but life has taught me the only kind of love that matters to me is a love that lasts even when the shit hits the fan.

Sure you love me now. It's new and fresh - we're still exciting to each other. Will you still love me when I'm crying in a bathroom for no good reason? Will you still love me after we fight? Will you still love me when there is nothing new for us to discover about each other? When the sex becomes dull - when we're too tired, when we get short with each other. Can you honestly say you love me then too?

Am I worth it?

Do I get to have that kind of love? Or is that unrealistic? Is the worst thing that could happen to me losing the right person because of the fear of commitment? Fear of not finding that lasting kind of love so therefore not even trying?

Actually, in my way of thinking, the worst thing you can do is marry the wrong person because of the fear of loneliness.

I'm still not able to wrap my mind arround soul-mates. If they exist it seems like there is a lot of chance for error. Say just one soul mate marries the wrong person - it sets off a whole chain of events and then a whole lot of soul mates can't hook up.

To me soul-mates almost seems too easy. It's not my job to make love work. If it works it works - if not - well it was "never ment to be" therefore not worth fighting for or sticking out.

This post wasnt about anyone in particular, but about people in general.

I realize there is no such thing as the one. It's more of a mind boggling whole hell of a lot of pontential ones, and while that should be comforting, its actually pretty terrifying.

We'd all like to kick back, and wait for some magical force to show us who we should spend the rest of our lives with, but the truth is there isn't a lightning bolt that slaps you on the ass, and tells you to pick this person over all others.

I have only heard one explination of love that made any sense to me, based on my experience, and that was that love is like the rain.

Rain falls all the time.

Sometimes you're prepared for it, sometimes you're not, and depending on where you are when it hits you either get caught in it, or you dont.

In fact most of us try like hell to avoid it. Maybe you remembered your umbrella, maybe you didn't. Maybe you love splashing and getting soaked in the rain because it feels good and is spontaneous. Maybe you're better at watching the rain from the security of you comfy couch insultated in blanket of your own making.

There are no big signs for love. Just random torrential bursts of opportunity.

That's the most fate plays a hand in love. The rest is up to us. Do you ride out the storm with someone, do you dash through the rain whenever the mood hits, it's all up to us and the work we want to put into it and how we feel about getting soaked.