The Inner Working of the Female Mind

So fellas - ever wondered what women talk about when you're not there?

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feelthegoodnesss: Conference bitches!

opticalchick: weeeeeeeeee!

kpetrie1: WOOT!

kpetrie1: How're my ladies?

opticalchick: i'm good, just looking forward to boozin it up with ma peeps!

feelthegoodnesss: tired and horny...it's a horrible combo...I doubt I even have the strength to whack it

opticalchick: lol

kpetrie1: rofl

feelthegoodnesss: fuck you anorexic body make over!

kpetrie1: It's a frustrating combination

opticalchick: yeah, i still haven't lost anything off my muffintop

opticalchick: however, i think my stress eating last weekend may have been a factor, lol

kpetrie1: Ah but that's only one part!

kpetrie1: lol

opticalchick: i know strawberries are on our plan, so naturally i assumed a strawberry malt was too.......my bad!

feelthegoodnesss: LMAO!

kpetrie1: rofl

feelthegoodnesss: It's days like this I wish I was married so I could just get a penis in the ribs and be done with it...no pretense, no sucking in of guts...maybe a toothbrushing - but that would be it.

opticalchick: lmao..........a penis in the ribs

kpetrie1: Sounds painful.

kpetrie1: Being married is exhausting!

feelthegoodnesss: they're spongey tho

feelthegoodnesss: Yeah - I'm just interested in the free sex

opticalchick: me too

opticalchick: i just want steady ass

kpetrie1: rofl

feelthegoodnesss: and someone to throw empty beer cans at

feelthegoodnesss: Ole is too fast

kpetrie1: Oh yeah. Men move slow as hell!

feelthegoodnesss: Don't I know it - how do you think I finally lost my virginity?

kpetrie1: o.O

opticalchick: and i want a boy who takes care of my car stuff.............i don't want to deal with low oil and bad tires anymore

kpetrie1: You two are amazing!

feelthegoodnesss: like scary amazing?

opticalchick: or like helmet wearing amazing?

kpetrie1: A little of both.

kpetrie1: With a little bit of "fun amazing" sprinkled on top!

feelthegoodnesss: awesome

opticalchick: that just made my day

kpetrie1: rofl

kpetrie1: Like a sprinkle-covered cupcake!

feelthegoodnesss: I'd high five you all but I'd miss and end up hand stamping your forehead...

feelthegoodnesss: I'd mushroom stamp you both if I could

opticalchick: i would stand in line for your mushroom stamp

kpetrie1: I would totally mushroom stamp you if I could too!

kpetrie1: Oh yeah!

kpetrie1: I'll taco you both!

opticalchick: taco?!?!

kpetrie1:

feelthegoodnesss: taco stamp

feelthegoodnesss: lmao

opticalchick: whoa, what is this new lingo that i must share with my work peeps!

opticalchick: ?!?

kpetrie1: rofl

feelthegoodnesss: complete with snail trail?

opticalchick: daisy chain optional?

kpetrie1: *groans*

feelthegoodnesss: lol

opticalchick: i can't help being naughty...........i love it too much

kpetrie1: Naughty is fun! Way more fun than not!

feelthegoodnesss: me too

feelthegoodnesss: again so glad we're not prissy girls

opticalchick: ugh, don't you know it

kpetrie1: Oh I am soooo prissy. You didn't know?

opticalchick:

kpetrie1: *giggles*

kpetrie1: That was my funniest joke of the night!

opticalchick: lol

opticalchick: don't stop now, you're on a roll

feelthegoodnesss: lol

kpetrie1: Ah you two are EASY!

feelthegoodnesss: yes - that's what our mothers say

kpetrie1: lol

kpetrie1: Why are we still up?

kpetrie1: My God I won't be able to get up in the morning.

feelthegoodnesss: good call

feelthegoodnesss: I need bed

kpetrie1: lol I wish I were tired!

opticalchick: my mother already thinks i'm easy

kpetrie1: Would she be right?

opticalchick: because a stiff pecker doesn't have a conscience and apparently neither do i

kpetrie1: lol

feelthegoodnesss: LMAO