Holiday Crafts

Nothing quite like the holidays. And crafts. We're both working on some feisty cross-stitch patterns we bought on etsy for white elephant holiday gifts. We've never done this before. How hard could it be?

Spending time with your husband. Working on cross-stitch patterns together. The heaters on. The moon glinting off the white snowbanks outside. Fuzzy socks on our feet. Piano instrumental Christmas music playing. A dog coiled at our feet. Have I painted a Thomas Kinkadian scene for you?

Good. It's all crap.

There is heavy swearing, stabbing of fingers, tangled floss. Mutterings and curses.

"How -- how did I un-stitch the stitch I just did?"

"DAMNIT - Don't come over here, I lost my needle!"

After furious hours of work I hold up my piece. Aware it looks like Helen Keller is attempting needle crafts in our home.

"Oh - your kerning is off on your T." says Gabe.

My jaw drops. It's like someone has slapped my baby. My very disfigured and ugly baby...but goddamnit, that's my disfigured baby. I flip him off.

"It's fine." he says.

I sit in a pout pulling out more thread. "Rude"

"What? It's fine!"

"I didn't know you were gods gift to needlework."

Long silence.

Half whispered about five minutes later. "I don't point out how small your dick is." This sends us both into peals of laughter.



Merry Christmas everyone~and remember...if you think you can craft, you can't! No matter what pinterest would have you believe. It's all lies!