Gabe: So I was watching a video on YouTube that showed how to open a can.
Jo: Ok
Gabe: Like with your bare hands. (pausing) Not a can opener!
They drive along in silence and a man walks his dog down the street.
Jo: Oooh! Puppy!!
Gabe: It's a rat terrier.
Jo: It's some kind of terrier for sure.
A woman comes into view; walking her dog.
Gabe: Another doge. A pug faced thing.
Jo: It's a Boston - his face is very white and old.
Gabe: He's pooping. And his owner is not pulling out a bag to pick that up.
Jo: She's from Woodbury*; what do you expect?
*Woodbury is the affluent neighborhood where we work, but could not afford to live.
Gabe: (in a mocking voice) I'm from Woodbury and my dog's shit don't stink. I assume. Because I've never actually picked one up.
Jo: That's why they pay such high taxes.
Gabe: So in this video, where they are opening cans without an opener...
Jo: Oh, I was done with that conversation.
Gabe: I'm not. Don't you want to know? You can open a can, with just your hands, well and a hard surface, and not cut yourself. (He pauses awaiting a response and gets none.) What if there is an apocalypse and you don't have a can opener?. This is important survival skills stuff.
Jo: I don't need to know this.
Gabe: Yes you do! So you need a hard surface...
Jo: I'd be with you in an apocalypse. You can be in charge of opening our cans.
Gabe: No - I'm not with you.
Jo: But we're almost always together. If shit goes down, the odds are good that it will likely be during one of the many times we are together since we spend such a large portion of our time together.
Gabe: No - this is the apocalypse! And I'm not there.
Jo: Oh, well then I would die.
Gabe: No you have to open the cans and stay alive until I find you!
Jo: I thought you were dead in this scenario?
Gabe: I'm not dead. I'm just not with you. And you have to chow down on tuna from cans until I can get to you. Because if I know you, and your apocalypse tendencies, you're going to hunker down with cans, so many cans, until I find you.
Jo: I would eat chips.
Gabe: But there are cans you can open!
Jo: I never learned how.
Gabe: You just need a hard surface, and you rub the can back and forth on the surface until the plastic that holds the lid on gives way and you can pop it off.
Jo: (looks at Gabe and says nothing)
Gabe: Isn't that cool?
Jo: What are you searching on YouTube to find this?
Gabe: Ways to improve myself. I also watched a video on two ways to clean out your sinuses.
Jo: I don't need to know that either.
Gabe: WHAT!? You never get plugged up with snot?
Jo: I mean, I don't have allergies like you do.
Gabe: You're telling me you never get sick with snot all up in your nose, huh?
Jo: Like once a year...maybe.
Gabe: I google this stuff for you!
Jo: How to open cans and clear my sinuses...this is for me?
Gabe: Yes!
Jo: Dominick and Nina would like this conversation.
END SCENE
**UPDATE**
3 comments:
I'm always learnin'. What I learn tends to be useless, but just like letting you know when I have diarrhea as a marital obligation...I will share the less important things with you as well.
I'm with Gabe on this one. Learning stuff, all the time so Joff doesn't have to. I watched the video about the cans yesterday. I was impressed. I did show him the video on wrapping presents Japanese style. Go look that one up. It makes it seem easy to get crisp lines unlike the wrapping style of a 4 year old.*
*(Sweet D is now 6 and I suspect can wrap things better than me.)
I...I loved every bit of it.
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